Here’s something I didn’t know: according to experts, 93% of human communication is non-verbal. But the 7% of our communication that is verbal is so essential to forming and maintaining positive bonds with others that when you’re speaking to those you love, you must make sure you’re not making these common mistakes that can bring otherwise healthy relationships to an end.
1. You stop telling the whole truth.
The love experts at YourTango call this the “lie of omission.” You know what a lie of omission is. You haven’t lied about something going on in your life or something you did, you just haven’t come clean about it, either. Relationship coach Virginia Clark says, “If something is important you need to tell your partner the truth; even if your voice shakes and you’re scared. More often than not the anticipation of [your partner’s] reaction will be worse than the experience itself. When you withhold a truth it’s like you have a “secret” you’re keeping that can’t help but create a sense of distance and separation between you.”
2. You stop being kind.
Clark says, “This is a slippery slope that people fall into when they’re over the “honeymoon phase.” It’s rightfully said that “familiarity breeds contempt,” meaning we hurt the ones closest to us because they’re there! It’s easy to forget that your lover who you now know so well is very vulnerable and sensitive to your reactions.” Oh God, so true! And, of course, if one partner starts to get mean it’s so easy for the other to respond in kind because they’re hurt. Clark says, “If you’re being cruel, using words like “stupid” or “lazy,” you’ll make an imprint on that person’s heart that can’t be erased. If you belittle or berate each other you’ll develop a thick skin; it will not only protect you from hurtful words but it will keep out the love you’re longing for.” REMEMBER THIS.
3. You stop fully listening to your partner.
Clark says, “Many good relationships fall apart because someone wanted to be right rather than happy. An open mind requires you to stop judging your partner and stop making them wrong. How often have you changed your mind because someone told you you’re wrong? That kind of persuasion never works.” Diplomacy and respect is key, whether you’re talking about a romantic relationship, a friendship or a work relationship. It’s also worth mentioning that all of these rules apply to relationships between parents and children as well.
-By Carolyn Castiglia